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Normal feelings and reactions to grief

  • Shock and numbness – the individual may feel numb/in a daze and unable to grasp what has happened
  • Denial – some people carry on as if nothing has happened
  • Pain – overwhelming sadness, distress, crying
  • Tiredness and exhaustion
  • Forgetfulness and less able to concentrate
  • Anger – this is a natural emotion and may be felt for example towards the person who has died or their illness
  • Guilt – guilt about feeling angry, about something that was said or unsaid, not being able to stop the death
  • Feelings of depression
  • Behaving in a way that is viewed 'out of character' can be part of the process and it is important not to judge
  • Other people might not know what to say or how to respond. People can end up avoiding those who have lost someone because they don’t know what to say or are worried about upsetting them. This is hard for the person who is grieving who may wish to talk about the person who has died. It is especially hard as time moves on and other people’s memories fade of the person who has died

All of the above feelings are normal, and it’s ok not to be ok.

While there is no written rule for how long an individual may experience these feelings, if they continue for a long time without easing – such that the individual is neglecting their own care or they are experiencing ongoing distress – additional help might prove therapeutic.

Each person’s journey through grief and loss will be different. We should not assume if we have experienced a similar grief that someone else’s journey should be the same as our own.

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